Hello, trolls..

.. you little shits. I love receiving email from you, if only to marvel at the creative spelling and the vacuous mind that thought it was kewl to spell that way. I also wonder, idly, where you get my email from, but that is probably my fault, my ID is everywhere on the internet.

Dear illusion_of_the_mind, I quite enjoy my sarcasam, thanks for asking. I gathered from your long and rambly email to me that you do not like my sarcasam. Because it shows I have a 'cowardly mind which cn only make fun n not fight bravely'. Tell me, dear illusion_of_the_mind, is your ass nice and roomy? It must be, no, considering you sit on it all day to think up these startlingly novel critiques? Why don't you stick your clever little head up your ass and rest in peace, then? Unless your posterior has an inbuilt modem, I doubt you will ever be troubled by my sarcasam again. The day your ass acquires an internet connection, do email me, I'd love to hear all about it. Also, compliments from my sarcasam. He loves to be the centre of attention, and the next time you write in, remember he enjoys truffle pastry. Thank you for writing in. :)

Dear sumit, thank you for writing in. You were greatly amused by my post on f****** like b******, and told me I was "cool.... to be writin on f****** wid girlz" . While I blush delicately with delight that you have enjoyed my blogpost, I must express my horror at the idea that I enjoy writing on asterisking with women. I was brought up well, and in my family we do not asterisk with women. We do not asterisk with men either, nor pets, and none of the household appliances has ever complained of being asterisked. Asterisking is frowned upon - nay - asterisking is taboo. I assure you, dear sumit, we do not asterisk.

Fucking is different though. Everyone enjoys a good fuck.

Keep writing in, sumit! :)

Dear elvenwindow, hi. No, not interested in an ab machine, though God knows I could use it. Which reminds me, how did you know I was a fat slob simply through my blog? Perceptive. But creepy.

Do keep writing in, elvenwindow..... NOT!

heh. Sorry. I'm a bit of a sucker for not-jokes. :D

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The above are the only three trolls I've had the privilege of interacting with over the last year. Last year there were only two, one of whom tried to sell me Viagra at an unbeatable price. These people simply do not do their market research properly, do they? Who tries to sell a poverty-stricken, celibate law student Viagra? What would you try to sell me next? Prams? Pampers? Breast pumps?

The rest of nice people who wrote in with funny stories and all (numbering a grand total of two), thanks. :D I read your email, I just don't reply.

But for all of you trolls out there? Do write in, loves, mommy's simply aching to write back to you. ;-)

Ta.