Friday, August 21, 2009

Hello, trolls..

.. you little shits. I love receiving email from you, if only to marvel at the creative spelling and the vacuous mind that thought it was kewl to spell that way. I also wonder, idly, where you get my email from, but that is probably my fault, my ID is everywhere on the internet.

Dear illusion_of_the_mind, I quite enjoy my sarcasam, thanks for asking. I gathered from your long and rambly email to me that you do not like my sarcasam. Because it shows I have a 'cowardly mind which cn only make fun n not fight bravely'. Tell me, dear illusion_of_the_mind, is your ass nice and roomy? It must be, no, considering you sit on it all day to think up these startlingly novel critiques? Why don't you stick your clever little head up your ass and rest in peace, then? Unless your posterior has an inbuilt modem, I doubt you will ever be troubled by my sarcasam again. The day your ass acquires an internet connection, do email me, I'd love to hear all about it. Also, compliments from my sarcasam. He loves to be the centre of attention, and the next time you write in, remember he enjoys truffle pastry. Thank you for writing in. :)

Dear sumit, thank you for writing in. You were greatly amused by my post on f****** like b******, and told me I was "cool.... to be writin on f****** wid girlz" . While I blush delicately with delight that you have enjoyed my blogpost, I must express my horror at the idea that I enjoy writing on asterisking with women. I was brought up well, and in my family we do not asterisk with women. We do not asterisk with men either, nor pets, and none of the household appliances has ever complained of being asterisked. Asterisking is frowned upon - nay - asterisking is taboo. I assure you, dear sumit, we do not asterisk.

Fucking is different though. Everyone enjoys a good fuck.

Keep writing in, sumit! :)

Dear elvenwindow, hi. No, not interested in an ab machine, though God knows I could use it. Which reminds me, how did you know I was a fat slob simply through my blog? Perceptive. But creepy.

Do keep writing in, elvenwindow..... NOT!

heh. Sorry. I'm a bit of a sucker for not-jokes. :D


The above are the only three trolls I've had the privilege of interacting with over the last year. Last year there were only two, one of whom tried to sell me Viagra at an unbeatable price. These people simply do not do their market research properly, do they? Who tries to sell a poverty-stricken, celibate law student Viagra? What would you try to sell me next? Prams? Pampers? Breast pumps?

The rest of nice people who wrote in with funny stories and all (numbering a grand total of two), thanks. :D I read your email, I just don't reply.

But for all of you trolls out there? Do write in, loves, mommy's simply aching to write back to you. ;-)



another brick in the wall said...

my very open mind was shocked on reading this post and this blog in general. let me tell you, i am greatly disturbed that an indian girl talks about s** and uses words like f*** in her writing. i am offended.

another brick in the wall said...

btw.. on a serious note.. when i read that opening ".. you little shits".. man! wasn't that a big turn on ;)

As the Mind Meanders said...

LOL.... Dunno why... but I don't think the great 'illusion_of_the_mind' is going to like the sarcasm in this post... unless he/she/it hallucinates and reads the post as a personal love letter from the great long ranter.

I know these asteriskers asterisked you mind... but thank you... for the belly laughs on a tough day...

Swayam said...

I'l drop in later to comment on ur posts... but just wanted to say, you are a wonderful discovery and a breather after reading so much trash on the blogosphere... :) i'l keep in dropping in (not my turds!! mind you) ciao...

Divya said...

Because you exude hawtness, paunchdom and cowardliness in equal proportions. You must face the side effects of all that. Don't complain now. :P

narendra shenoy said...

Hehehe! SHakespeare wrote something similar,("Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood", or words to that effect) but you have clarified the matter in a much better fashion!

Enjoyed thoroughly!

indiegurl said...

@suk - do not put your masochist fantasies up on my very pg-13 blog ;)

@meandering mind - i was being completely serious when i said i'd be interested in hearing of an internet-enabled butt. wouldn't you? :)

@swayam - thanks, and hi :)

@divi - i do NOT have a paunch! my generosity lies other areas. you know that. ALSO i am not cowardly, i simply tend to discretion ;)

@shenoy saar - unlike shakespeare i am incapable of stringing together words of too many syllables, so i stick to profanity, it is simpler :D

Divs said...


need i say more? Loved this post.

ramsub said...

not very fond of constructive criticism are we?

I loooooved the post btw, I laughed a great deal, I snorted with amusement, I admired it. It was wunnerful!

(Please be nice to me)

Divya said...

Ramsub- I had a retort all ready then I saw your last line of the comment.. the one in brackets.. damn.. ok fine then... :P (See I'm nice. Unlike certain people I go to watch movies with :P )

kedar said...

the asterisker must be seeing stars. good one.

indiegurl said...

@divs - :)

@ramu - your appreciative snorting is accepted with dignified thanks.

@divi - you had a retort all ready? really? :P

@asterisker - he prefers asterisks.

Hakuna Matata said...

1. LMAO @ Divi's "retort"
2. LMAO @ post.

No seriously, what a Maddox.