Friday, January 29, 2010

Lips of a Scumbag.

So, WTF Song of the Moment - Hinder's Lips of an Angel. Why was this song such a hit? What could possibly be remotely appealing about a whiny man-child who whines to his ex on the phone in between nookie with his current girlfriend, in HER HOUSE? The mind boggles.

Nickelback is an equally infuriating band. I may be bizarre, but I even I have limits, and one of those limits is a stringy-blond man with no balls and a fake growl. And I am not even sure whether the worst part of that is the fake growl or the lack of testicles.

(I could be wrong about the no-balls bit, of course; maybe they just retract back into him in shame when he sings things like look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh )

I think I'll go with the fake growl. Either you've got a creepy-but-hot voice or you haven't, and everytime you put your fake bedroom voice on, I run screaming out of my door and kill a small animal. (Hear that, Chad? Every time you sing 'Photograph', a kitten dies. Think about that.)

Since I am on the topic of music, let me say I enjoy lots of music. I am not barbaric. I even like classical music, though as a dyed-in-the-wool Tam Bram, I was brought up on a wholesome diet of curd rice, rasam rice, fried papad and Hindustani-music-is-NOT-classical, with a healthy side order of HA-HA-those-deluded-Naarth-Indians. But I am sophisticated. I like qawwals (Altaf Raja) and Sufi music, though I draw the line at A R Rahman's heartfelt but indisputably Tamil-accented 'kwaaja jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee'. It's supposed to be a cry from the heart, but I always snort.

And by snort, of course, I mean laugh delicately but cuttingly. Derisively.

Anyway, winter is over. Or that's what it looks like from inside the cave I'm in, which consists of two sweaters, a sweatshirt, a muffler, a scarf, two pairs of socks, leg warmers and two pairs of track pants, two woollen blankets, a fleece blanket and a bunch of pillows. My pillows wear sweaters because I find that they get really cold otherwise, and I hate the feeling of cold cotton on my neck. All this warmth makes it difficult to haul myself out of bed early in the morning. I start out grimly determined, but the inevitable happens.

So, a couple of things to be noted here -

1. I am too cool for Photoshop.
2. I think I may be too cool for MSPaint also. :( alternatively,
3. Don'tcha love my mad MSPaint skillz? :)

Ahem. Moving on.

Wearing too many warm clothes makes you physically schizophrenic; wherever you're covered, it's the Bahamas, but where you're not, it's Siberia. What I mean is, I remember a couple of weeks back, I was typing out something pointless and formatting it perfectly, when I realised that my fingers and nose-tip were freezing, but I was probably reading a 103 degrees Fahrenheit on my tummy. There is something truly creepy about that.

In other news, I am in love with Amy Winehouse. Such an amber honey, midnight sky voice. A shiny crimson pointy nail stroking black velvet voice. A smoky nightclub, beaded dress, flapper party voice. A voice to fall in love with for a few hours and then go home alone to a cold bed. She says she's trouble, she's no good, but she's lazy drawling like she knows you'll follow her anywhere.

And you could follow her anywhere, if you wanted to. She's orange, and her implants look like they'd glow in the dark. She's a little hard to miss. Such is the magic of fake tan and silicone. Things like this are the reason that I hate watching music videos of the songs I fall in love with. You should form your own fucking images and never let anyone else's images mess yours up.

These days I like music that makes me unhappy. It's almost as though I don't know how to unlock all the sadness inside me unless the right song comes along, and then all is sweet release.

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time.

And so it is

The shorter story

No love, no glory

No hero in her skies..

I'm entirely aware that this blog is one Dashboard Confessional lyric away from being an emo blog.

But life has to get better than this. I am too awesome to be sad.


(P.S. - Please send me icecream.)


Anonymous said...

Chris Cornell is now a sell-out pop-ass mass-ass-kissing douchebag. There were those golden early 90s days when he sang on that eponymous Temple of the Dog album. Later there was Soundgarden. And there was Audioslave too. But then he went solo. Making cheesy pop album to pay his bills and buy NSync merchandise.
Chris Cornell, dude, fuck you.

Nickelback are pretty close to being mainstream sellouts. I like a few tracks but if you need post-grunge there's just one band and they are Foo Fuckin' Fighters.

Hinder? Fuck them. They are good only in pubs on a Friday night to please the Naarth Indian Jab-We-Met female fans. They want Hoobastinks, Ell Pee and then their boyfriends request this last song- Lips of an Angel. They'll all stand up and dance. Wish killing idiots was legal.

Mudra said...

"And by snort, of course, I mean laugh delicately but cuttingly. Derisively."

Or so we wish. :D

Why sad, though? Tell, beta...

Spaz Kumari said...

@virus - oh well due to my absolute lack of all knowledge re music, i thought the last thing that Chris Cornell ever did was sing for Audioslave, and I really like Show Me How To Live, especially that brilliant thing he does with his voice in the end of that song. Also, hearty agreement re Hinder, Nickelback, LP, Hoobastinks (hee!clever!)and ....what? One can dance to Lips of an Angel? Really?!

@Mudra - It's such a long story. It involves indigestion, heartbreak and dandruff. :P

kumar said...

ive heard only a few songs of hinder, so dont really care.. but nickelback is good..u can jus go on criticising every1..
(err..go listen to altaf raja? $#@)

indigestion (have my mess food)- i miss the dosas..., heartbreak(thats surprising-- is it the fat tam bram frm my coll?lol) and dandruff (shave off ur head-parakrams gf shaved her head off..lolz..we have ET here) ..sad sad ...anyways no point being sad.. Listen to bob marley and smoke up some weed-- "Dont worry, be happy"

Dr. K Bodhi :D said...

Hmmm... I am sure you are smoking something illegal..

I couldn't follow a word of your post. Except for the three points you had about Photoshop and MS Paint...


Mudra said...

Hmmm. A generic (and true!) line is, "All guys are stupid bastards."


JD said...

glad you're back.
how does one send you icecream?

St.Banger said...

how did you miss out on john lullaby mayer? or please tell me he has retired

please don't attack hinder.. i really liked the hot chick in their video

Saurabh Panshikar said...

Ooh La LA!

This is One awesome post. Loved the part about the Tam Bram

Loved the Bashing. The image was kool. Loved everything altogether.

Well I live a long way from you... So I sent Milk, Ice, Cream and a Refrigerator separately.
btw the transportation bill is on you!

Spaz Kumari said...

@kumar - it's ok, you are allowed to have shitty taste in music. After all, somebody has to buy their albums. *halo*

@K.Bodhi - i am always like this only. :)

@mudra - ah it isn't true... it just feels good saying it ;)

@JD - one delivers it in person. naturals' sitafal icecream please. :)

@suk - i was unable to form an opinion on his music because i am just truly confused by it. wtf was that song about mothers and daughters? and that grotesque body/amusement park song. *shudder*

also, re hinder and hot chick... you really REALLY need to quit that committed relationship you have with your right hand, and start living up to your username :P

saurabh - ha, you're the only one who liked my picture! this world is filled with philistines.

St.Banger said...

i am glad to find everyone from the "divya ramesh clan" egging me on to do the same.. aren't i touched :)

Arun said...

LOL. Fun post and super blog. First time visitor was a little pungent to start with but its an aquired taste...

Saya said...

Hahaha.. i love that song..
Cant take my eyessssssss off you.. :)

Nice blog..

revelsign said...

small animals (wiggle eyebrow here) et emoishness. i approve. and i too have mad ms paint skillz. now to figure out why the f#@! photoshop won't install. perhaps its intimidated by said skillz. hmm.

p.s. - yes, i just wanted to replace key letters in a curseword with random symbols, comic book style. good hat, that.

also, the testword below is "unkni", disturbingly reminiscent of skinny, mop-headed, guitar-wielding, make-out-with-a-microphone musicians in mindboggling neon green swimwear. if blogspot allowed pwn-ing of an appropriate level, i'd be able to hyperlink that and traumatize many an unsuspecting reader.

blast, foiled again.

revelsign said...

*covers eyes*

yay. apparently i've revealed the full ridiculously embarassing depths of my technological incompetence to all. *bows*

thanks to this deceptively homeless looking person for her excellent instructions.

also, here y'go, all.

Sneha said...

dude. so totally agree on that Hinder song. never got why anybody would write such a song reflecting horrid character etc. also, i generally dont like songs where people are being unfaithful :( they make me sad :(