Ye Gads and little fishes! Can a girl be not left alone to just simply think, sometimes? Be quiet? Alone?
Oh, but 'alone' is definitely a problem. You cannot say the a-word without the place suddenly becoming absolutely pill/razor/even-vaguely-sharp-thing(figuratively) free and your parents adopting funny worried expressions and making subtle hints in the form of we-are-always-there-for-you-in-the-event-of-any-kinda-trouble dinner-time speeches, that often end in awkward expectant silences that expect me to come up with stunning revelations, and fall, sobbing, on supportive parental breast. Often I have been tempted, out of the kindness of my heart, to save them from disappointment and announce that I am pregnant; the only drawback is that in such event I would have to produce the other contributor to my productivity, and I cannot think of any one person amongst my considerable set of male friends who would be willing to volunteer to be so honoured.
In case you're wondering, actual event: "What happened? Why'd you all shut up? Is there anymore lemon pickle?"
Also, I have always preferred my own company to others', and my family is used to the sight of me staring vacantly out of the window, non-responsive to calls/yells/insults. Familiarity with given scene doesn't prevent them from making pointless, not least repetitive enquiries into it, though. And since, most of the time, I begin with thinking random thoughts, and let them lead to other thoughts, and just basically 'watch' from a third-person standpoint, the flow of randomness( or specificity, whichever direction my mind has agreed to take out of its vacuum), there isn't much to tell curious askers. I mean, I could attempt to do so, but:
1. I don't have the patience
2.If I did, my family would dismiss it halfway as "Satkeli hai"
3.I would agree with them, which would do nothing for my ego
4.I prefer my ego healthy, ergo
5.I don't tell my family.
So, almost on reflex, when asked "What are you thinking of?", or "What have you been talking about for one and a half hours on the phone?", I answer, "Nothing..", and bang!:
"Why are you so moody these days?"
"Am not.""Yes you are."
"What ok ok? Ok I'm moody!"
"Now you're getting mad."
"Damn right you are.."
"All right what?"
"All right I'm getting mad."
"Will you leave me alone?"
"THIS is what I meant."
"So I agreed with you, didn't I?"
"Don't YOU get fresh on me, young lady..."
"What ok ok for everything? Retarded or what?"
"Ok you're right. Yeah, I'm retarded. I also want to be alone. Will you please leave a poor mental case alone, then?"
"Oh my god, Divya, I don't know what to do with you these days!"
"Join the club."
There are some days...
Another self portrait
1 month ago