Tuesday, June 9, 2009

If only I could work a Milk Cooker.

I hate my shoes.

Thisis the primary aftertaste of my internship days. I was curious to see what it would be after the first week of interning, and this is it. I hate my shoes with a degree of loathing I normally reserve for overweight Iyers with control issues and South East Asian tastes (I wonder if I have been vague enough), Vodafone and jackfruit. 

These shoes are, quite objectively speaking, a fantasyland of ugliness.  The salesman told me it 
was bought by office-going women, which is unarguably an accurate description of the kind of shoe I was looking for. But these shoes, please note, are black pleather with metallic rivets in straight lines. Observe:

No? Not disgusted quite yet? Observe again:

Grim , what? They aspire to be worn, presumably, by the Tamil housewife who goes to work in Andhra Bank from 8 to 5 and secretly aspires to Vengeful Gothdom. (However said Vengeful Goth activities must cease by 4.30am, because then it is time to put on the milk cooker.) 

That reminds me of the time I expressed my desire to know the ideology of Goths, to a Goth. She told me "We do not support society and we protest." Protest what, I said. ""We protest society" she said. Yes, but which bit, I said. "We just protest" she said, and left. I am very sure that she is wrong. I opened the Wikipedia page on Goth subculture and Ctrl+F 'd "protest". No result. 

I took a day off from work. I feel delightful and slightly dangerous. This could be because of one of two reasons - 

1. I am reading Chuck Palahniuk, which always arouses in me feelings of deliciousness subversiveness, or
2. I successfully faked a (resounding and rather impressive, if I may say so myself) hacking cough on the why-I'm-absent phone call to the office today,  and immediately afterward gave my reason of absence as a back-ache. (Sing with me... What the Fuck?! I know. I spend a large quotient of my time wondering why I do the things I do in the remaining part of my time.)

I got a tee shirt with a lovely print on it, for my birthday. However the neckline of the tee shirt is humongous and strangely amoeboid, and therefore I am flummoxed as to the correct way to wear said tee shirt.  If I wear it so that I am modestly covered in front, A good third of my back is aired. If I protect the modesty of my back, there remains much nakedness to be addressed in front . My mother is of the opinion that I should let her take a sewing machine to the tee shirt. I am tempted to let her. 

And to everyone who this concerns - they know who they are - I am not buying skinny jeans. I tried them on. Without exception, they cling annoyingly to my leg instead of flopping around comfortably and shapelessly. Absolutely unacceptable, what.



Edit: I bought the shoes for 140 rupees from a hole in the wall near where I work, because I'd gone to work with my bathroom slippers on and the partner of my firm is anal about formal dress code. I insert this back-story because, after she saw the travesty that are my shoes, a friend said I should include the reason I would possibly buy them. I agree. My shoes scared her dog. Her dog is an abominably large and scary German Shepherd.


Suddenly I like these shoes.


Divya said...

1- who was this goth person?
2- drama queen only you are.. Only of the comic type.. You carry your dibbaisms to office too? I told you long back.. "Court" jester shall be your line of work :D
3- you shall buy skinny jeans. Period. Oh you shall wear them too. With your legs its a crime not to. Remember what we managed to do with a certain black dress and other accessories? We mean business honey :D oh and how about you wear skinny jeans with said tshirt with your back all covered up.. Let the girls get some air and self confidence... The no mans land shall have to change its name soon I tells you.
4- have I mentioned my love for you grows with each blog post? :D

Mudra said...

You care?

I've been working for a year and a half now. And believe me, I'll wear the fugliest shoes to work as long as they don't kill my feet.

Skinny jeans. I'm going to have to buy them soon, considering no store seems to stock anything else. Damn it.

I think your blog has the scope of becoming a chick lit blog. Not the sidey oh-my-boyfriend-oh-my-hair chick lit blog, but a genuinely go-fug-yourself chick lit blog. :D

ramsub said...

umm... skinny jeans cling to you? I can't even get them on. Wear them.

Tshirts with amaoba necks are meant to expose the back and/or front, deal with it.

lastly those shoes are horrideous, no self respecting goth would ever wear them.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Palahniuk, oh yeah.

indiegurl said...

@divi -
1. hmm, how to explain on pooblic forum. the chick that actually did the things that people said i did. *HINT*

2. yes i is :D what ya, i only forgot about the slippers bit, God knows its hard enough for me to remember to wear formal clothes, now who the fuck remembers the shoes?

3. ayyo they are horrendous ya. Least horrendous is Pepe Jeans, but even that is simply not me. Plus I've put on weight, I'll look like a whale in a wetsuit.

3. yes you has ;)

@mudra - arrey my future job prospects in this firm depend on the strange shoe fetishes of the working masses ya, what to do. Investment for future roti, kapda, makaan and whatnot. :D And ya, maybe i should be the next blog-to-book instant celebrity :)

@ramsub - WHY have you tried on skinnies, ramsub?! Et tu? T-shirt i have come to terms with, will show you in college. And re shoes, a tamil housewife who puts milk cookers before succubi is not a selfrespecting goth. Thats why the shoes are also halfhearted.

@virus - Word, my friend.

another brick in the wall said...

yes virus.. chuck's also gay.. we all will make a darn good family.. you me and chuck.. we can then chuck the world :P

Divs said...

blog hopped here from Divya's blog. nice posts! :)

that footwear! do you still wear them? :P

@virus - whoever u admire is gay! how come? Chuck , oscar wilde..

@brick - damnit! then me n divya won't be fitting in inot the family I say!!!

another brick in the wall said...

don't worry divya.. divya and divya are already a happy family in j.pur :P.. so divya, divya @ divya along with virus and brick shall really not cause that much of a disturbance :P.. :D

Divya said...

Oh gees way too many divyas :P

Divs said...

Ye Gods!

@brick - don't confuse me I say! this means the family has already been formed! grrr.. Me not in the family! grrr again! :(

VIDYA said...

Absolutely loved the post!:D
I don't presume to be good at analysing people's character (s?) or personality,but you seem like a person who uses humor to diffuse most difficult situations.I wish I could be like that.Still,one can always live vicariously,na? :)
Cheers !

indiegurl said...

@divi and suk - i lost track midway. am i part of the family or not?

@divs - thank you :)

@vidya - :)